I want to have your abortion
P.S. I can't hear my feet
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
