dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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