Three words: puerto rican gang bang
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
