He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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