you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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