Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
