i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
