Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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