They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
