Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
