in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize