im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
