U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
