so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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