i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
