Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
