Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
