I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize