I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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