I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
