you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
i need some magic done to my vagina
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize