Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Randomize
