i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
