I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize