Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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