So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
