Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
