is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Is it penis luge time yet?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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