How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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