never play flip cup with pint glasses
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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