you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize