My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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