woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
