I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
