Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
