what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
