Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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