ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
