What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
