so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
