Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize