Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
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