she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
