I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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