i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
This is the high leading the old right now
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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