I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
