We won't sleep together?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
