I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
