If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize