I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
