you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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