i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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