I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
