She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
