You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
