im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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