We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
