Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
