i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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