I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
