had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
