Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
