Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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