New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
it's like heaven, but drunker
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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