You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
